…siMpLe thoUght of MEdio…

Couple days ago i seen a movie called "the cure"…it was a simple story that told ’bout friendship between 2 kids which named Erik (Brad Renfro) and 11 years old-Dexter (Joseph Mazzello). i found the movie tags told "Two boys found a way to make one summer last a lifetime" (wasn’t it touching you so… ). the story flown easly and bit touchy. dexter, the youngest one, had AIDS living inside his tiny body, and they both were trying to found the cure for him. until one day, erik’s mother forbide him to play with dexter ‘coz he got AIDS. when they read that a doctor in distant New Orleans claims to have found a cure for AIDS, the boys leave home on their own, planning to float down the Mississippi river and find him. and they start their journey. what was touching me, when one night in their escaping journey, dexter told to erik that he was afraid to some moment when he woke up, all things around was fade to black. he told that the univers was dark and pointless with no end…he was afraid the moment he woke and everything seems dark, mean he lost in space…alone and hopelessly. and that moment, erik gave him one side of his dirt old shoes to hold on while he slept that night…so, when he woke up and everything was dark, he knew he still hold that stink-dirty shoes…and he knew that he still woke on earth, with erik beside to watch over…dexter died by the end of the movie. erik gave his dirt-old shoes when dexter laid on his coffin (reminded to the moment when dexter told his fear before)…

Suddenly, i reminded to Christina Aguilera song called "Hurt"…for what’ve been happened recently, i just don’t know what’s troublin’ me. I just…tired with all of this…But i guess, the way i did to you, just the way i hurt my self…I’m sorry…i didn’t mean it…i’m just trying to understand and try to accept it as ordinary thing…people said, "maturing process"…I Love You…i swear I Do…but this moment, i need time to get peace with my self…my emotion still take control of me until this day…but soon, i’m coming back to you…and i’ll wait for that day…would you forgive me?

DAMN!!! why it such so hard for me to take it!! it just a small stuff, but it sweat me lot!! i waste my time by thinking of it over and over again…while it mean nothing to you (i guess).

glad to having you for this recent days…hope this feeling will never change. i won’t change…wouldn’t you?

"Promise" by Tracy Chapman slowly dragging my mood into thinking to those days i passed with you. why this song so great to replay over and over again…i don’t even know the words…suddenly i reminded to the first time we ever met year ago. mmmpphhh…i wish i knew. i fall on you.

i was often to having "one side Love"…but not as hurt as she had.

i came for my lunch this afternoon with some friend of mine. as usual, we started to talk ’bout daily "happening" either in office or our personal life, before one of my friend told a kind of tragical-Love life she had. She fell to one man, but sadly…only her who felt that Love. that man prefer to other girl. she tried to get strong and walk with it. she already made it well recently, until she knowing that the man, today, has fall to other girl, which is her girlfriend. what more tragic for me to heard was, she might seen both of them everyday in almost every moment, because she had same floor with that man and his new girlfriend.

i just realize, that someone may had more sadly Love life than we might. Some time we could only point ourselves as the one who really poor in having our Love life, without knowing that still lot of people out there having worst than we had. and we don’t even know it happened to person that close to our life. i really sorry even only to heard her story. if i was her…i wouldn’t be that strong. i’m quite amaze with her bravery to walk with all of it this long.

i’m lucky to have this feeling for you. i’m getting believe that you feel what i feel for you. i just need to be more sure ’bout that…or shouldn’t i ask for it…wasn’t both of us still could be happy and feel loved by each other without need to be sure…but one thing came for sure to me…"I also Fell in Love With You…and it goes stronger every day, every time i saw you appeared on my window"…i want to see you said that you Love me…every time, every day, every moment i could.

i don’t know what’s happening to my life…suddenly, i think i really in Love with you. i never came too far before, and i nefer fall this way before. i guess, only you who could turn me into this feeling. i never feel bore to see you, to get close to you, or only staring you while you didn’t aware. i even try to liking your personality. my friend’s right…"A perfect Love wasn’t matter of finding a perfect person, but it’s all about accepting the imperfection to completed for a perfect Love"…i always fell in love with you almost everytime we’ve met. But shame on me, too coward to shown how much you mean to me. I REALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU…i guess i’m true…wish you know that.

mmmppphhh…..like frank sinatra once said "That’s life…that’s what i can’t deny it".